You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
