My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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