She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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