Please, let me fuck your mom
I need to stop coming to work sober
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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