one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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