Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
