I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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