have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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