Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
