Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
