I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize