well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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