I heard we made out
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
