I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
