i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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