My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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