Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
