That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
