508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This is classic penis vs brain.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize