3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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