That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She even gives head with a lisp.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
