We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
