my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
