I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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