Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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