I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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