I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize