I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
