did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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