I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
