The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
