Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
