in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
