Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
