Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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