sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
