There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
