I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
