...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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