Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize