I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
