Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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