I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
