I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
