and my herpes radar will keep us safe
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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