I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
