the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
