I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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