Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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