i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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