it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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