I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
