i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
