Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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