dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize