five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize