mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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