i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
