I must be too annoying 4 u.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You dont lie about slip and slides
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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