Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
