there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
