Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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