I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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