did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
