Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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