taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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