a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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