So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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