Banned from zoo.
Again?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize