AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
