Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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