I bet he comes in French.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
