Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
