Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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