every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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