Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
