And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
