I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
