that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
