i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
