I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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