fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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